Then shut it away in the locker with priceless jewellery and read on.
"You owe me a beer."-Andrew Symonds to Michael Clarke as he left the field after he had been caught via a deflection off Clarke's boot
Lesson learnt: Playing supersub for the opposition can be doubly expensive.
"They have changed the whole way spin bowling will be coached. Anybody with half a brain will push it to the limits."-Dr Paul Hurrion, one of the ICC's expert panel of human-movement specialists, on the limits of legality
And what does Coach 2015 yell at the nets? ‘Listen kid - all your six throws should hit the top of off-stump on 1st bounce, batsman missing.’
"If they can get away with it, why can't we try and get away with it too?"-Andre Nel says that South Africa may take a leaf out of the Australian book when it comes to appealing
They are hardly getting away with it these days, Nel. And not all Aussies are backing their homegrown noiseboxes..
"It's exactly how toddlers behave in an effort to hide their shortcomings."-Bob Simpson slams the on-field behaviour of the Aussies
Maybe Bob will have a chat with Nel. But who’s telling his skip? Certainly not Warne…
"You can fry an egg on his (Smith's) face within two minutes."-Shane Warne takes yet another dig at Graeme Smith
Smithy’s ‘frying pan’ must have been worth going miles to see after that Warne ‘insta-chill’. Talking of verbals there’s this spontaneous, religious Aussie basher that does not even need an invitation or an end to get going...a look at the map is generally enough.
"You can see the way they crumble under pressure. When there is no pressure, they look really good and are tough to beat. But they panic under pressure and they looked awful and vulnerable the other night."-Arjuna Ranatunga has yet another pot-shot at Australia
How we wish Arjuna that you had visited rival dressing rooms with this invaluable pearl when Australia were notching up those 16 consecutive facile and thoroughly deplorable test wins.
While on exhanging pleasantries, trust a beautiful mind to locate another of its kind...
"I don't know about his background, but I found him a decent person, unlike normal cricketers."-Pakistan's head of selection Wasim Bari on Rahul Dravid.
Decency be damned, there's this new theory propounded on this same man correlating ‘straightness’ to using bats instead of pads!
"He is so straight and negotiates almost every delivery with his bat, why does he need pads at all?"-Danish Kaneria indirectly rules out Rahul Dravid as a likely candidate for LBW
Hurrah - at long last we are entering interesting territory…Crash! The topic gets derailed and we are into the lean phase of WI cricket:
"If the flour is poor quality and the salt is poor quality, the bread will taste bad."-Jimmy Adams
The unstated connotation of the Danish theory probably left that bad taste in 'P'ADams’ mouth. Quite unlike the most famously unrepented kiss of the season:
"It was just a bit of fun. We weren't hurting anybody. I have nothing against gay people, but, you know, I prefer men."-Richelle Fitzgibbon, who indulged in the 'crime' of locking lips with a female friend during a one-day match in New Zealand, puckers up to those offended
The air, so filled with love of all kinds by now, also evoked a near-perfect declaration of romance reverberating from the rival camp amid the trilling of bugles...
"I just love the Pakistani bowling."-Virender Sehwag puts his 48 boundaries in the first Test at Lahore in words.
...and from across the boundary fence:
"My grandma has a crush on Richie Benaud"-A banner at the Gabba
[It prompted Mark Nicholas to ask "Is that necessarily a good thing?" of his fellow commentator. "Depends on the grandma," replied Benaud, quick as a flash]
Benaud’s verbal googlies are still about him while he completes his 7th 10-year haul. Wish we could say the same about the fortunes of another skipper from another land and era who isn’t even half his age.
"I've played well for the last five to six months."-Sourav Ganguly wonders what all the fuss is about
That’s the spirit, Sourav. Our fingers remain crossed. You only have to play more well. Surely the least you can do is consult St. Carlisle regarding your future. He is the new prophet from Africa:
"One day the ICC is going to have to stand up and make a decision on something ... they're going to have to grow a spine and make a decision."-Former Zimbabwe captain Stuart Carlisle blames the ICC for the mess in his country
Gawd - Stuart was amazing there and actually foretold events from an unknown millenium! With such skills he may just land an official appointment in the near future. Apparently some people in charge of making international schedules seriously need to employ soothsayers for that trickiest prediction of all: which month does winter set in this year..
"I think the cold weather conditions played a big role in the groundsmen failing to get their task done properly."-Pakistan chairman Shaharyar Khan lays the blame for the turgid Lahore pitch on the weather
They better make that appointment next time, for swashbuckling openers treat bad meterology the same as bad bowling:
"It is the prerogative of the home side to prepare the pitch. We are ready to play on any wicket but such wickets are not good for cricket."-Despite filling his boots, Virender Sehwag has some home truths aboutPakistan's preparations
But then, what of their bad history?
"No. I don't know anything about them. I haven't heard about them."-Virender Sehwag,when asked about the record held by Pankaj Roy and Vinoo Mankad for the highest opening stand
Mind correcting your tone of voice Mr. Najafgarh? [Absolved myself from bad geography there, in case you missed] ‘They' were ex-openers and no way related to ‘MK’. A Great Batsman and a Great Bowler are out to get you for this, led by a Great Skipper.
The topic being history, let’s end this with a couple of guys who created and erased some of it in the past year. In fact, the two even gratefully exchanged 16 years of history in 2 miniscule series-defining runs. A penny for their thoughts?
"I must admit that when I put my arm around him the exact words I used were 'It's 1-1 you Aussie bastard'."-Andrew Flintoff jokes about what he really said to Brett Lee at the end of the Edgbaston Test.
“There's not too much that'd do differently - obviously I'd have liked to change a couple of results, or just add a couple of runs to our total at Edgbaston!”-Ponting, looking back on the 2005 Ashes series.
[Thank you: cricinfo quotes]
