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December 14, 2010
Beer and the Wizard of Oz
Posted by Alan Tyers and Jarrod Kimber on 12/14/2010
Jarrod has called correctly and will argue first; on the subject of Michael Beer
"Hildy mate, who's that chap cleaning the window panes? I like his wrist work. You reckon..."
© Getty ImagesMichael Beer’s selection is pure genius. I am in awe of the selectoral brilliance involved in such a decision. There seems to be a fair bit of negative chatter about how Australian selectors have lost the plot and just picked some random guy to play as the spinner. Nonsense. Cricket selection is not about numbers and form; it’s about gut feel and crazy hunches. And there is no one who has a smarter gut or crazier hunches than Greg Chappell.
I understand why the English wouldn’t get this, it isn’t the safe option. Beer hasn’t been a regular first class performer, so it seems like a weird decision to them. Statistically, he shouldn’t be picked; emotionally it is the right and only thing to do. Australians understand that sometimes seeing someone just once out the corner of your eye while you are looking at someone else and writing off Nathan Hauritz is enough to know that a player is the one. After ten mistakes you’re that much closer to a success.
Alan Tyers writes
I am sorry to say that we English “get” the selection of Michael Beer all too well. It’s exactly the sort of Hail Mary play that we made our own during The Dark Days Of The 1990s. Hours of my teens and young adulthood were spent staring in disbelief at Ceefax, as the name of the latest lucky unknown to win a day out as England’s second-change bowler flashed up. Now it’s Australia doing the random name-picking, and we have the internets not Ceefax, but the principle remains the same: crazed desperation.
The only gut feeling that the Aussies should be getting on seeing the name of this nobody is nausea. When the chairman of selectors is touting a guy “because it’s his home ground” – and he’s only played on it three times, you know that things are getting pretty desperado. They might as well have got Richard Dawson in as an asylum seeker, bunged him a passport and a baggy green and told him to get on with it. “Not a safe option”? It’s borderline psychotic. Andrew Hilditch is a danger to himself and others.
Jarrod replies
Three times? This is the sort of uneducated nonsense that makes me sick. Beer has played four times at the WACA. The fourth time may not seem all that important, but in the fourth innings when he is spinning a web of mystery, deceit and general awesomeness, it will become apparent how important that fourth game is. I don’t know why Hilditch is getting blamed for this, I doubt he was even involved, he probably didn’t even know who Beer is. Greg Chappell is the Wizard of Oz, Professor Marvel, the Wicked Witch of the West, a flying monkey, Dorothy and the Scarecrow.
Alan replies
I can see poor Michael now, clicking his heels three times and squealing, “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home” as England’s batsmen belt his occasional tweakers all over Western Australia,. Hilditch: “You ARE home, mate. You belong here.” I’m afraid that he very much does not. I wonder who Australia’s 11th post-Warne spinner will be?
Ashes, 1896 style, in Alan’s W.G. Grace Ate My Pedalo
Ashes, 2009 style, in Jarrod’s When Freddie Became Jesus
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Posted by: Peter on 12/14/2010
Entertaining spin on the latest attempt to find the next wizard of oz. Agreed, it's the most ridiculous selection I've probably seen in my 15 years of following cricket.
Posted by: phil may on 12/14/2010
I empathise with Mr Tyer's comments. England teams of the late 80s and 90s did indeed resemble a line of lottery numbers.
Australia seem to be suffering from a spurious form of logic and long may it continue!
'Hauritz will never be a world-beater so we will go thru the telephone directory until we stumble on the Messiah'
But Hauritz is a 6 out of 10 guy who represents control. Its illogical to experiment in a crucial series with a lot of wanna-bes. It is the seamers who need to step up, Johnson especially. Hauritz buys you time with the ball and is a useful lower order bat.
But keep throwing those dice, Aussies !
Posted by: Derek Alberts on 12/14/2010
You reckon Peter?
How about Darren Pattinson for England against South Africa in the 2nd test at Headingly in 2008? never to be heard from again...
Posted by: Michael on 12/14/2010
I accept that they don't want hauritz, although I don't agree with the logic, he is hardly the first spinner in history to have had a torrid tour to India, but what about Steve o'Keefe? He was in the "A" side (which presumably means he was under consideration) and although they lost he was probably their best player, bowled very tidily and scored runs... from an English perspective it just seems plain weird.
Posted by: Jan on 12/14/2010
Dunno, Darren Pattison Martin McCague?
Posted by: black on 12/14/2010
May be Warne should start coaching.
Posted by: pete on 12/14/2010
Time will tell.... someone eats their words.
Posted by: Anonymous on 12/14/2010
The English should totally get Beers' selection. Two words: Darren Pattinson. If the English can pick a random Aussie for a crucial game, why can't the Aussies...?
Posted by: Sagar on 12/14/2010
The photo caption is too gud....Alan - The next post warne spinner will be the window pane cleaner :-)))
Posted by: Martin on 12/14/2010
Did Shane Warne really say "I fancy Beer" or "I fancy a beer"?
Posted by: Anonymous on 12/14/2010
It is hard to believe that a side like Australia is struggling! McGrath,Warne,Hayden,Gilchrist,Langer that is an "impossible to fill" gap!
Posted by: Dr:sanjoysatpathy on 12/14/2010
Instead of criticizing the player or the selector the critics must suggest some thing good so that Australian team or for that matter other teams too can have match winning bowlers. A lesson we must learn
from Kumble, he was an opening bowler for his university team but the coach told him to bowl from a short run up so that he can be selected as a spinner and from that day he has never looked back.Australian should ask their bowlers to bowl wicket to wicket on a good length spot, gone are the days of short pitch or body line bowling due to gadgets batsman are not frightened.My best suggestion is take kapil dev or sunil Gavashkar as adviser of Australian selection.
Posted by: Ezra on 12/14/2010
Give Beer a break, it is hard for him to do worse than the X guy that played before him. Yes the other bowlers in the 5/1000+ clan. If he bowls at one end and maintains his average of 40 per wicket, the other guys keep it tight from the other end, and throw in a run out and the Aussies may still restrict the Poms to about 500 all out!
Posted by: Apratim on 12/14/2010
Does this selection sound a bit looney? I have two words for you: 'Greg', and ...
Posted by: redneck on 12/15/2010
more chance of australia getting snow on xmas day than beer making the playing 11. smith is all the spinner we need at the waca.
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Jarrod Kimber On the field Kimber was a legspinning allrounder, and his major skills in cricket revolved around fielding, sledging and captaining, which didn't help in selection. He once saw a player try to stab another with a stump. His proudest moments are accidentally waking up Adam Gilchrist on a plane and a documentary where you can see inside a guy's butt.
Alan Tyers There may be living human beings worse at cricket than Alan Tyers, but at least none of them ever try to play cricket. He consoles himself by writing about it for the Wisden Cricketer, and about what used to be the winter game for Football365.com. He is the author of WG Grace Ate My Pedalo, illustrated by Beach.
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