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August 2, 2011Posted on 08/02/2011 in Fans
On being a fan
From Arun Sagar, France
A relationship hard to explain
© Pradeep MandhaniI once sat next to Rahul Dravid. Now, if this was being written by one of the illustrious group of cricketers, former cricketers, cricket writers and journalists who contribute to this site, that opening sentence would be followed by an interesting story or tidbit: ‘I once sat next to Rahul Dravid in the Lord’s dressing room, and he seemed …’; or ‘I once sat next to Rahul Dravid on the flight home from the Australia tour, and he said …’, and so on. But in my case, that first line pretty much says it all. I once sat next to Rahul Dravid. Or rather, I sat behind him, with my back to his.
It was 2010, in a London restaurant where I had dropped in to visit the owner, an old friend. Dravid was there with people who knew people I knew, and so it should have been the easiest thing in the world to get an introduction and have a brief chat, maybe even get a photograph. Instead, flustered and tongue-tied, I sat down at the table behind his and ordered a drink. What could I possibly say to Rahul Dravid? A gushing ‘Oh God I’m so thrilled to meet you!’? A confident handshake, a casual ‘Hi Rahul. Big fan.’?
And so I said nothing, and later on that evening someone else took that celebrity photograph. They posted it online; you can’t see me, I’m out of the frame on the right. I can’t help secretly wishing that I had snuck into it somehow.
As you’ve probably guessed, Dravid is my favourite cricketer. My only other brush with cricketing royalty was as a small boy, when I was introduced to Lala Amarnath in a tailor’s shop in Connaught Place. I didn’t know anything about cricket at the time, and I didn’t know who this bespectacled old man was. But twenty years of cricket-obsession later, the sight of Dravid up close, in flesh, had produced in me the physiological symptoms one usually associates with schoolgirls meeting rock stars. In fact, I almost wished I was a schoolgirl, so that I would have license to behave like one.
Being a fan of a sport or of a sportsman is a state of mind that’s hard to communicate to someone who isn’t. Among people who spend their time browsing Cricinfo, who rhapsodize about straight drives, who stay up at odd hours to watch Test matches in which their country isn’t even playing - that communication isn’t needed. Most of us here, I imagine, are cricket-obsessed, cricket-lovers, cricket fans, call it what you will.
The complicated mix of emotions involved in this obsession, this fandom, is implicitly shared. I’m sure I’m not the only Indian one who, when he or she hears ‘1998’, thinks first not of anything from their own lives but of Sachin at Sharjah. That was the year I gave my Class 10 Board exams and went on my first trip abroad, but my most vivid memory is that straight six off Kasprowicz. And I’m sure I’m not the only one who still gets the chills watching and re-watching those twin hundreds, somehow getting excited even though I know exactly what’s going to happen next.
But try explaining this to someone who isn’t really a cricket fan and who isn’t a fan of any other sport. Try explaining why the failure to chase 120-odd in Barbados in 1997 still hurts if you were an India fan at the time. It doesn’t just ‘rankle’ or ‘disappoint’; it hurts. I don’t remember much else about 1997, but I remember the details of that innings, the umpiring error, the airy shots. It is a painful memory of a deeply painful experience.
Or, to the newest generation, try explaining why Sydney 2008 was so traumatic. Or why Perth was so cathartic. Try explaining, actually putting into words, what exactly was so special about Sachin scoring the winning runs to bring up his match-winning, fourth-innings big-score-chasing century in Chennai in 2008. But your non-sports-loving audience, no matter how intelligent, open-minded and sensitive they are, no matter how well-read in other fields, just won’t get it. Oh they’ll ‘understand’, they’ll explain, they’ll rationalise, contextualise … but they won’t really get it, feel it. They won’t be able to comprehend, to truly grasp how events in the field can have such a profound and lasting effect on your emotions.
And this gets even worse when one tries to explain being a fan of individual sportsmen, especially in a team sport. When facts and figures, lists and averages don’t work, you’ll find yourself coming back to the adjectives you started with, and desperately seeking new ones – stupendous, magnificent, satisfying, gratifying, fantastic, incredible. You’ll add accents and emphasis. If you’re writing, you’ll italicise.
And this is hardly a surprise. There are many things, emotions, experiences that are hard to explain to someone who hasn’t lived them. It’s not easy to describe why a certain song, painting or film is so profoundly moving. Not to mention more fundamental emotions; think of what falling in love is like – try explaining that to someone who hasn’t felt it.
Of course, people far more insightful and eloquent than I have written reams about sport and sports-men and -women, how they embody our strengths and our frailties, how and why we can live their victories and defeats, their triumphs and disasters. And many have written about individuals, about Dravid for instance, extolling his many virtues, evoking why he is a uniquely human – as opposed to superhuman – hero, why he personifies all the best qualities not just of sportsmen but of his sport itself.
But I suspect these writers are most (best?) appreciated by those who know these feelings, who recognise them within themselves. Just as one can divide the world into people who know what falling in love feels like and those who don’t, I suspect one can divide the world into those who know what it means to idolise a sportsman, and those who don’t. In fact the schism is even more profound, because one can always be surprised by falling in love for the first time, while sport is either written into one’s DNA or it isn’t.
And so, as you’ve probably noticed, I’ve embarked on one long digression from what I really wanted to try to write about. I wanted to describe exactly what I felt that London afternoon, with the sunlight on that Soho street outside and the cool drink in my hand, as I strained to hear the conversation at the next table. That trip to England was a memorable one for me for many reasons that would be easy to explain - personal reasons, professional reasons. But what I remember most vividly, with both pleasure and regret – poor inadequate words - is how fast my heart was beating, and how I could not bring myself to say hello to this man, this man I worshipped so, sitting just a few inches away from me.
Posted by: saurabh at August 2, 2011 6:41 PM
Buddy, through this article you hit a very deep nerve inside.
One that brought me memories of all those games of cricket that I have followed.
Cricket has been the calling of my life, and I have been its eternal fan on the sidelines, staying up throughout the night, sneaking out of classes, missing my assignments, managing office deadlines.
Its been a heck of a ride, I remember the desert storm of 98 the Sachin Runout in Kolkata, the Azhar batting in SA (1996), the Laxman Century (169) in Sydney. The world has seen India win only recently, the die hard fans have always seen one that one performance which can make you happy even if your team is losing.
Perhaps that was the reason that I was still glued to TV watching Pravin Kumar hit a few balls out of the stadium, even though India had lost the test match.
Somehow its always been the little things.
We just want Indian team to fight, winning or losing does not matter, but don't give up without a fight, It's the spirit which counts.
Posted by: Aditya at August 2, 2011 6:57 PM
a heart-warming article, arun... i somehow felt i've written this myself... i was just 11 when i watched my first cricket match live... n it was sharjah '98... 13 yrs hav gone by, but i still cant explain that feeling... u've encapsulated every cricket fanatic's feelings in this post... kudos to u... n ya, u've earned urself a fan... :)
Posted by: Vickz at August 2, 2011 10:08 PM
Nice article. I had another experience.
One of my colleague's friend was friends with G. Vishwanath. He asked me if I am interested to meet him. I have no clue till today why I didn't go to meet him (I might have thought he was just kidding). There were only a group of 3 or 4 people in that place with Vishy. I was later told that they wanted a cricket fanatic with them to keep Vishy busy :)
They had couple of drinks and some food and later Vishy was dropped at another place.
I still hurts me for missing it.
Vickz
Posted by: Aditya at August 3, 2011 3:13 AM
Well guys,it took a long time finding like-minded people on cricinfo,but an article like this should manage to unite a few more of us,who don't watch the game for the winning or losing but just for moments of brilliance and immense focus which are always missed out on in the larger picture;who hang on to the final moments of a losing cause in hope of a stirring fightback;who always bled blue before Pepsi found out;who remember occasions which even the experts don't think twice about(eg-the Srinath-Kumble partnership against Australia at the Chinnaswamy stadium long after TV sets were switched off after Sachin got out for 88)...And Arun,don't bother about the insight and eloquence;this is good enough for guys like me for whom hero worship never ceased after one bad match, or the pain of past losses numbed with the current no. 1 ranking...Thanks for the great read!!
Posted by: Aditya Shamlal at August 3, 2011 6:38 AM
Arun,
Fantastic article, and one which every cricket mad nut in this country could relate to. Everyone of those moments you described rung a loud bell. And yes, i still get chills just thinking about the 1998 Desert Storm ODI's. Loved reading every word of this article.
Posted by: Dinker at August 3, 2011 7:06 AM
Arun--A brilliant article...relived all those matches and remembered myself following them with the same passion.But i think you failed to mention 2 things 1.common Indian cricket fan's lack of interest towards test matches..(ODIs and lately T20s are the peoples choice lets face it 2.and how does it feel watching current Indian team's performance in England....would have made the article sort of complete
Posted by: Balachandhran S at August 3, 2011 7:57 AM
Arun - this is a brilliant job of helping us readers understand exactly how you felt. Its a lonely world out there for us sport fanatics - especially in professional circles. Cricinfo is our watering hole :). In some ways though this moment in your life will be significant precisely because you did not establish contact. Perhaps if you had, then the player (your hero) becomes a human. Perhaps the essential romance may have been lost - talk about familiarity and what it does to relationships :). This way the incident will remain fresh in your memory for decades, I am willing to bet.
Posted by: Rohan Bhalerao at August 3, 2011 8:10 AM
I cannot explain in words "How much i can relate to this article!" Actually, in totality except the meeting part. Really, i have so many friends who like cricket but aren't really diehard fans of the game or any individual sportsman. So, it is actually difficult or i'll say impossible to explain them what i feel after every heartbreak or victory moment u have mentioned in this article. We just FEEL IT.. It's inexplicable!
Thank you for this article. This article will be treasured by me to show to all the non-fans how it feels exactly during THOSE MOMENTS..!
Posted by: Amit Kumar at August 3, 2011 9:46 AM
Ditto experience, only in my case it was Sunny Gavaskar in an airport coffee shop :)
Very well written.'Cathartic' is so right when it comes to expressing the feeling with some of our victories.
There are games i have seen so many times, i remember the ball by ball commentary!
Posted by: Parth at August 3, 2011 10:54 AM
Wonderful article! Totally reached out to the fan and worshipper inside me. I can totally imagine hoe you would have felt then, and how you would be feeling now about that experience! I wish to someday meet my heroes and let them know the impact they have had on my life and on me as a person! We remember the Madras test agst Pak and 2007 WC. We remember the 3-0 whitewash in australia 99 and the humbling of the fab four at the hands of Mendis and Murali in Sri lanka. But we also remember the times when kumble bowled with a strapped jaw and prasad sent back Aamer sohail. These are memories and cricketers who hold a special place for every fan that grew up watching and following the indian team. Sometimes I just wish I could show them that their real success is the tongue tied fan on the street!
Posted by: Jitendra at August 3, 2011 12:26 PM
Sometimes when you come across similar minded people who do the same crazy things, life seems so normal. Thanks, man for penning down these thoughts. Definitely only a great fan would not like to disturb his idol from having some moments of peace and fun rather than rudely or even nicely but all the same disturb him. Hope you meet and talk cricket with him sometime! cheers and happy cricket following Rahul Dravid who shall play cricket for a long long time!
Posted by: Ashish at August 3, 2011 12:49 PM
This is straight from the heart, I never watch cricket matches in groups, as I can't stand the judgments from those who treat it like a movie. in the full stadium, I watch it all alone, savoring the moments so I can recall them by just closing the eyes. I was standing next to Rahul Dravid in one bangalore street for 10 mins, he was waiting for his familiy to come out of the shop and probably just stepped out of the car for fresh air, I was just lucky enough to see him this close, before others realized too and started bothering him and he moved back in his car. I think I didn't say hello because it was time for him to relax and I didn't want to be the one who bothered him..I have that much respect for him..
Posted by: Anand at August 3, 2011 1:03 PM
Kudos Arun for the excellent article! Unfortunately, I haven't got this experience of meeting my heroes too close and it was really nice to read and feel how it would be if I get an opportunity..as someone said, you have earned another fan in me..keep going :-)
Posted by: Shankar S at August 3, 2011 2:19 PM
The article, and Saurabh's comments, both strike a chord. I remember most of India's great moments over the last three decades, and often, like the sound of temple bells or the smell of jasmine (or indeed good food) they are evocative of something else and bring back a whole rush of other memories. Who can forget the many Laxman specials (sunset and lengthening shadows at Eden Gardens), Gavaskar at the Oval (listening to Test Match Special on distant shores), Sehwag's 195 in Australia (early morning in front of the TV and the smell of south Indian coffee). Lord's and Trent Bridge may be bitter pills to swallow but there has been so much joy over the years - from the heroic draws (more common a decade ago) to the brilliant victories (of late). And the best part is that, God-willing, there will always be more, that memories enjoyed with father will be augmented by memories enjoyed with son.
Posted by: Salem Shankar at August 3, 2011 3:42 PM
Dear Arun sagar-that was a terrific write up off the field--It has stirred back my memories of similar encounter but different experience
It was way back in 2005 [when Rahul was at the peak of his carrier] when he led India cements team in a local match at Chepauk with his solid contribution with the bat. I was one amidst the crowd[with a sizable chunk of Dravid admirers] who patiently awaited the return of Dravid from the dressing room to recieve the trophy-He was walking through the crowd in casual short pant heading for presentation.Though I had been his ardent admirer I felt too shy to run for a hand shake with him or shower vocal praises as I was twenty years elder to him-But just when he crossed me I inadvertently yelled 'well played Rahul' Could you believe-He halted for a while, looked at my face smilingly,raised his hand and said 'Thank you'
What a poise on and off the field-- I cherish the moment for ever
He is rare cricketer -level headed all the time-Long live his tribe
Posted by: Gaurav Mittal at August 3, 2011 6:05 PM
superpeb article man!!.i m also a very big fan of rahul dravid and i often i think that if by god's grace i happen to meet rahul dravid one day what would i say to him.Just like what happened with u i think i'll probably sit quietly near to him and would stare at him and then later on regret it.
Posted by: Shailendra Rawal at August 3, 2011 7:12 PM
True words only a true sports fan can understand
Posted by: Gaurav Aggarwal at August 3, 2011 9:28 PM
You really did hit a chord. Its so difficult to understand our emotions if one doesn't have the same affliation to cricket, or sport in general.
My story is, I was working in Tata Chemicals as a summer intern in 1998. I was sitting next to Padmakar Shivalkar, and everyone called him Paddy. I didn't realize until atleast 1 month into my job that it really was Paddy Shivalkar the cricketer (as there was no name plate anywhere). It was so exciting to literally sit next to a cricketer of his stature for a whole month. What a humble, amazing person, and yes, a fantastic singer as well!
Posted by: Ammar at August 3, 2011 9:34 PM
Same thing happened to me when Lara decided to drop in to do nets at Oval last year. He was there on his own to use bowling machines. I did manage to get a photograph with him but couldn't say a word not even I am a big fan.
Posted by: Yasmin at August 3, 2011 11:56 PM
Nicely written, Arun :) I can imagine how you would have felt, and yes..one does get totally tongue tied in their presence!! I am a big fan of Rahul Dravid too. Met him once in a hotel lobby, and since we had to go to the same floor, took the lift with him. But did I get a picture or make any scintillating conversation..? Of course not!! Just stood there!!
Posted by: Jas at August 4, 2011 1:19 AM
Great writeup. I know exactly how you feel. Being in NZ where cricketers are not Surrounded by policemen 24/7, I have had few encounters with them and more often then not I am toungetied about how to introduce myself. I have been within approachable distance of greats like Inzy, Kallis, Younis etc but haven't been able to just walk up. Perhaps meeting Gayle and getting a picture with him recently is some consolation
Posted by: Gajendar at August 17, 2011 12:43 PM
This is straight from the heart, I never watch cricket matches in groups, as I can't stand the judgments from those who treat it like a movie. in the full stadium, I watch it all alone, savoring the moments so I can recall them by just closing the eyes. I was standing next to Rahul Dravid in one bangalore street for 10 mins, he was waiting for his familiy to come out of the shop and probably just stepped out of the car for fresh air, I was just lucky enough to see him this close, before others realized too and started bothering him and he moved back in his car. I think I didn't say hello because it was time for him to relax and I didn't want to be the one who bothered him..I have that much respect for him..Gajendar
Posted by: chetan at September 17, 2011 8:38 PM
I was at Chinnaswamy stadium to watch my nephew play in under 13 zonal tournament a few years ago. It was off season for Indian team, suddenly Dravid came in, jogged 3 rounds, stood and watched the young boys play. For more than 30 minutes, I sat watching Dravid. Every inch of me wanted to go shake hands with him, say to him what I felt about him and that he was my God. But I sat still, just watching him. No action of mine could or would ever translate to what I felt about him and for him. He left and I still have no regrets for that day, I saw God!
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