So Australia’s throng of fans, cheerily known as the Fanatics, have a songbook for the Ashes to combat England’s notoriously boisterous and equally cheery Barmy Army. The Courier Mail have a list of songs England can expect to “enjoy”, including:

Monty Panesar's Useless
Tune: My old mans a dustman

Monty Panesar useless, a poor old English chap
& when he's not spin bowling, he's visiting the quack.
He's useless in the covers, he's useless in the slips
And when he straps the pads on, he'll pass out with the yips

And...

Ode to a British girlfriend
Tune: Living Doll, Cliff Richard

Got myself a yawning, boring, pasty, nagging, whinging pom
Got to do your best to leave her just cause she's a whinging pom
She's got a lazy eye & big fat thighs from all those chips & pies
She's not the only boring, pasty, nagging, whinging pom

Oh dear. No word yet from the Barmy Army and what their song list might be…