Things are a bit confusing in Worcester this week, with Australians sitting on both sides of the fence, and even Ricky Ponting forgot his allegiance. With two of his former coaches, John Buchanan and Dene Hills, in the ground working with the England Lions ahead of Wednesday’s tour game, Ponting referred to himself as “captain of England”.

The correction came instantly – “er, captain of Australia” – but it was a revealing slip to a question over whether his outlook had mellowed since 2005. “Not as a competitor, not as a cricketer,” he said. “I hope I am as competitive as I’ve ever been on a cricket field. Things away from the field are pretty good, although I have been away for five weeks from the little one [his baby daughter Emmy].”

Buchanan, who guided Australia for seven years, spoke to the Lions and England Under-16 squads and felt comfortable working across the oval from his old team. Hills, a former assistant to Buchanan and state team-mate of Ponting, is part of the local coaching staff. The game no longer contains state secrets.

	Carl Howell in front of a giant Shane Warne poster © Cricinfo Ltd

He may not be playing for Australia any longer, but the shadow Shane Warne casts still looms large – as, indeed, does his face.

A six-foot high poster of Warne appeared on a bricked-up window of Advanced Hair Studios, the company to whom Warne is their now-hirsute ambassador. With depressing predictability, Camden Council have told them to take it down, but they hadn’t banked on the chairman of the company being an Australian, and a feverish cricket fan to boot.

So Carl Howell has set the council a charitable challenge. “I’m prepared to offer the council a wager,” he said. “If England win, we will take it down and pay £5,000 to the Camden Mayor’s Charity Trust Fund. If we [Australia] win, we can keep the poster up. The history between the Aussies and England is based upon having a good laugh together at the end of the series regardless of who wins.”

Councils are not, however, renowned for their sense of cheer and jollity, and it remains to be seen whether the poster will be pulled by the fun police.

Warne, never one to let a jibe pass, said: “Camden Council should be relieved I’m not playing”.

Australian sportsmen are a friendly bunch – with eachother, if not always their opponents. Mark Webber, the Australian Formula 1 driver, was spotted at Wimbledon last week with his fellow countryman Lleyton Hewitt, who seems to have developed a new lease for life, demonstrating his characteristic whippet-like scampering across the baseline and raucous “come on!” calls to his fans.

It goes without saying who Hewitt thinks will win the Ashes – “you got lucky in 05” was his relievingly-predictable jibe last week – and in the meantime, Webber was today spotted chatting to Ricky Ponting at a training session, ahead of their match against England Lions in Worcester on Wednesday. Australia may not have a spinner worth his salt, but as anyone who lives in London will confirm, they are not lacking support.

Neil Fannon and Thomas Walsh, the creators of the concept album Duckworth and Lewis Method, be warned: they have competition in the little-tapped-into cricket music industry this summer. Npower, the sponsors of England cricket, have employed David Fine to compose poems during the upcoming Ashes series. Fine also did poetry and sketches during the previous series but this time they will be on Twitter.

Fine said writing on Twitter, with its 150-character limit, was like writing a haiku. On his blog ashespoetry, Fine said the first poem of the series will be titled Cellophane. Here's an extract from his poem on Stuart Clark from the 2006-07 series.

Not that you’d notice him for seeing, the sort of bloke in the office who always comes to work on time to a tidy desk all parts done efficiently yesterday. Pays the drinks kitty and sweepstake promptly and tells the sharpest stories about the bosses secretly (not that you notice him for seeing.)

The Ashes is but 12 banter-filled days away, and English fans already have the perfect excuse prepared if the unthinkable should happen and England fail to regain the Ashes. It's all due to El Nino.

It's quite a relief. Before 2005, a generation of fans had only the flimsiest of reasons to lay bare at England's calamitous displays against Australia. Their inability to play spin; a weakness against the short ball; county cricket protecting too many average losers; the fact they can't catch, can't handle the pressure, the heat, the rain, or simply can't play the game very well. Now, triumphantly, scientists have the answer.

According to a study published today in Weather, the El Nino Southern Oscillation phenomenon has two phases which have had dramatically influenced Ashes results. During “El Nino years”, Australia won 13 out of 17 series (76%) but only 5 out of 13 in “La Nina years”. Remarkably, England have won just one series in the last 100 years following an El Nino event – the Bodyline series of 1932/33.

"This study shows it may be possible to tell by next winter whether England has a better chance of success in the following Ashes series than previous tours," said the study's author, Manoj Joshi, from the Walker Institute at The University of Reading.

"The study could even influence whether the England touring team should include more fast bowlers or more swing bowlers," Joshi added. "However, it must be emphasised that this climatic effect is small compared to the human element, so whoever loses in 2010-11 can't use El Nino as an excuse.”

Oh yes they can.

Andrew Symonds' playing future could become clearer in the coming weeks following the arrival of his agent to England. Matt Fearon will meet with county officials to gauge their interest in signing Symonds for next year's Twenty20 Cup and P20 competitions. Symonds is already committed to Deccan Chargers for the next IPL season, and is considering offers from at least one South African Pro20 franchise. The allrounder, who will feature on Australia's 60 Minutes programme this week, could also play for Queensland, despite turning down a central contract from his home state.

	Chris Gayle makes a surprise visit to Excelsior High © DigicelCricket.com

It’s no secret that West Indies captain Chris Gayle is one of the best dancers in his team. Come the four-match series against India, it would be worth keeping an eye on him because he has promised a new dance move. Gayle made a surprise visit on Wednesday to his old school - Excelsior High - where a bunch of enthusiastic boys demonstrated the new move to him on stage. One of them, Ronaldo Fletcher, asked Gayle to show it to the rest of the world when he takes a wicket against the visiting Indians. Gayle, who earlier presented a full sized autographed bat signed by the entire West Indies cricket team to the school principal, agreed. Here's looking forward to a Gayle wicket and... shall we call it the Excelsior dance.

Women cricketers now have their own bat – the Chic, a blade specifically designed for them. Holly Colvin, who was part of England’s triumphant World Twenty20 squad, will be one of the first to use it against the unsuspecting Australians during the upcoming Ashes Test.

"The Chic feels fantastic,” Colvin gushes. “It is really light and feels great in your hands but the sweet spot is so big. Every time you middle one it speeds off the bat."

The bat, made by Sussex-based manufacturer Newbery, is smaller than the standard one used by men. It has a marginally thinner handle and a bigger sweet spot. "Women's cricket is growing in popularity and we have been inundated with girls and women of all ages to hand-craft a bat specifically for them and we think they will enjoy using the Chic," Neil Lenham, Newbery chief executive, told the Mirror.

First the Mongoose, now the Chic, what next?

The economic recession is finally having an effect on Indian cricket. No, next year’s IPL is not being cancelled but the salaries of players employed by Air India, the national carrier, are not going to be paid on time. The airline announced wage cuts for its employees earlier this week and this will affect the salaries of international players like MS Dhoni, Suresh Raina, VVS Laxman, Yuvraj Singh, RP Singh, Sreesanth and the women’s captain Jhulan Goswami. “Frankly, we are still not clear on the status but yes, the salary has been deferred by a fortnight,” Shekhar Guha, the head of Air India’s Sports Promotion Board, said. So... tough times loom for Indian cricketers.

A streaker once felt the brunt of Andrew Symonds’ strength when he was on the wrong end of a shoulder charge at the Gabba. Symonds was always keen to put that power into action on the rugby field, so much so that he once considered quitting cricket to try out for the Brisbane Broncos.

Now that he doesn’t hold a Cricket Australia contract, Symonds is free to pursue activities that would have been considered too risky for a professional cricketer. It didn’t take him long to indulge his passion for rugby, playing against a Men of League All-Stars team including Steve Renouf, Marcus Bai and Ben Kennedy on the weekend.

The Courier-Mail reported that Symonds played wing for the first half and was given a jeer by the crowd when he dropped the first pass that came to him but then performed well. "I couldn't sleep last night," Symonds said.

There were a few impressive moments from Symonds, including when he closed in on Bai, a former rugby league star, and laid a strong tackle. "One thing I will say about him is that he is very strong," Bai said. "I thought I would bump him off, but I couldn't."

It appears the IPL is to Indian movie stars what commentary is to retired cricketers. They all want a piece of it. The latest to turn franchise-hopefuls are two filmmakers from southern India who are keen to nurture local talent and have approached the Kerala Cricket Association to take their proposal to the BCCI.

Priyadarsan, a noted movie director, and Mohanlal, a superstar in regional films in south India, sent some young players for selection trials to the Kolkata Knight Riders and though none of their players were picked, Priyadarsan said the exposure to international players certainly helped.

“We’re trying to nurture local talent, as the most successful IPL players this year have been little known guys like Manish Pandey, Pragyan Ojha, and Kamran Khan,” Mohanlal told the Times of India. “There are a lot of youngsters in the small towns of Kerala and Tamil Nadu waiting to get a break. They have the talent, but lack exposure and world-class training facilities.”

Priyadarsan said the state association will approach the BCCI with their proposal. However the IPL does not plan to add teams to the existing eight next year. So the Malayali Marauders/Kerala Crusaders will have to make do with talent-spotting for now.

When Melbourne police get called into one of the city’s pokey alleys it’s not usually for a happy reason. But on Friday there were smiles all round as police took part in a laneway cricket match with members of the Indian community as a show of harmony following the recent attacks on Indian students in Australia.

Cricket Victoria helped organise the event and Brad Hodge was the star attraction at the game, which took place in an arty graffiti-lined lane, and he took special delight in sending down a couple of quicker balls at the police. When he reverted to offspin a ball sailed back over his head and into the crowd of onlookers, so it was lucky the result was secondary to the message Hodge and the other participants were aiming to send.

“Whenever any Australian cricketers go to India, we’re welcomed with open arms,” Hodge said. “Today is about standing alongside Indians who’ve come to Australia and letting them know that we welcome them, and value highly their contribution to our country.”

Amit Menghani, the president of the Federation of Indian Students in Australia, said: "It is wonderful to see such a positive initiative from the cricket community and the Victorian Police. Recent weeks have been extremely tough so it’s most heartening to see cricket helping reinforce the need for mutual understanding and respect. There remains work to be done but even little events like these can go a long way.”

Hodge’s participation was even more appreciated given that his wife Meg is due to give birth “any time now”. In fact, a trip to the maternity ward is so close that Victoria’s coach Greg Shipperd was on standby, ready to step into Hodge’s role in the game should the batsman get an urgent phone-call.

It’s not been a good few days for India’s cricketers with the current crop crashing out of the ICC World Twenty20 in the Super Eights. Perhaps they should have been looking at English league cricket for the answer where Abhijit Kale, who played an ODI for India in 2003, smashed 39 off an over included six sixes in a row.

Kale was playing at Catford in London for Linden Park when he took apart bowler Damion Grosscel. The over included three no-balls and it was the last six deliveries which Kale launched over the boundary. "Never in my life have I had six sixes. I was so happy,” he told BBC Radio Kent. “"It's great to have my name associated with such a great man as Gary Sobers.”

Kale’s professional career lasted 12 years and he averaged an impressive 54.45 in first-class cricket. However, his only chance for India was a single ODI against Bangladesh in 2003 and later that year he was charged with attempting to bribe two national selectors, for which he served a six-month ban from the game.

His rehabilitation has been slow and painful but at least in the last few days he’s been the most successful Indian batsman and he is getting a flavour of what it’s like to be a star – if only for a short time. "I'm getting a lot of media attention in India as well," he said, "so of course the pressure will be there."

If there was an unlikelier place than Cardiff for Ashes mania to kick off this year, St Petersburg would be it. But that’s where a team of Australians has taken first blood against a side made up of English ex-pats.

The Crusaders, a Melbourne-based team consisting of players aged 16 to 60-plus, like to spread cricket to parts of the world where it normally wouldn’t be played. Outside the State Russian Museum certainly qualifies.

The match was played in the famous Mikhailovsky Garden and a small team of gardeners prepared a ‘pitch’ that could be generously described as an extremely green-top. The Australians won the day but just as entertaining was the way the St Petersburg locals struggled to comprehend what was going on.

"It's something new, something unusual for Russia," Elena Naydenko told ABC television. "It's for intellectuals I think, because of its rules. Only an intellectual can understand the rules.”

	Mike Burgess' house © Surrey Advertiser

Burgess, who clearly knew he was moving into a house next to a cricket green, claimed that he was acting in the interests of health and safety and moaned the villagers treated cricket “like a religion”. He also suggested a “six and out” rule for matches on the green.

In a clear big to further ingratiate himself with his neighbours, Burgess said he would continue with his legal action despite warnings from the judge that he faces considerable costs. “It’s only just begun” he insisted. “It will highlight to the country that our democratic rights are going to the wayside. I think it is outrageous when cricketers have got a right over everybody else. Shamley Green has played cricket for 169 years, but there have been rapes and pillages for longer than that and it is still not right.”

There are 15ft-high nets protecting Burgess’ house but he wants these raised to 25ft. He also insists that as the ground is bordered by roads, there was a danger to passing motorists and walkers. However, many neighbouring villages are equally close to roads – Bramley, Shalford and Cranleigh to name three – and there are no issues with those.

Check out the Surrey Advertiser for more.

Jacob Oram delivered a wake-up call for cricket statisticians, claiming that the current system of compiling statistics in terms of averages and strike-rates for Twenty20 cricket was close to irrelevant. Instead, he suggested, measuring quality in cricket should be modeled around the system used in baseball, where 'intangibles' are quantified, enabling a better assessment of players.

"I'm a massive baseball fan and I look at the way they compile stats and that is the way cricket should go," Oram told the New Zealand Herald. "They have stats for everything but we don't seem to be able to look past average and strike-rate."

Baseball, on the other hand, follows more sophisticated tools of analysis, measuring movement, velocity, power and errors committed by fielders. Cricket records the number of catches taken, but that says little about a fielder's ability if not supplemented with the number of chances he's spilled.

Oram also questioned the use of averages to measure the ability of middle-order batsmen as it failed to take into the account the enormous impact they usually have in the outcomes of games."But maybe I'm just saying that because my numbers are never going to look that great batting where I do," Oram said. But he stressed he was not interested in 'padding up' his numbers with a few cheap not outs, taking another jibe at the loopholes in the game's most relied on indicator of quality.

Steve Smith, the captain of Llandudno in Wales, has been banned for life and three other players suspended after insults against a rival side were posted on the club’s Facebook site.

The action was agreed at a meeting of the North Wales Cricket League's management committee. The committee said it had to take "immediate action to protect the reputation of the league and its members".

In India they’re worried about cheap and heavy bats affecting children’s cricket skills, but over in the UK its soft balls. That’s right, soft balls which, according to Conservative MP Tony Baldry, are jeopardising the future of the English game.

“The concern I was raising with ministers in the House of Commons was that a tiny number of cricket matches in schools – about 4% - are played with real cricket balls,” Baldry said. “If we’re going to enhance youngsters coming through secondary schools into club cricket, we have to let them play cricket with cricket balls. They’re playing with soft balls. A cricket ball has a seam, and if you’re a bowler, a batsman or a fielder you need to know how a cricket ball feels. "

His comments were disputed by former professional Wasim Khan, who works for the ECB’s Chance To Shine. He argued the type of ball did not matter. "If you look at India and Pakistan, for example, within schools they play tape ball cricket, which is just a tennis balls wrapped in tape and talent seems to come through there.”

Whatever happens to the Bangladesh team in Monday’s match against Ireland, they have a treat to look forward to: Tuesday’s curry lunch. Not just any old curry lunch, but “home style” curry flown in by helicopter from the Bollywood Spice restaurant and wine bar in Warmley, near Bristol, to their team base in Trent Bridge. The menu, says restaurant manager Naz Abdul, includes including honey lamb chops and chicken ramo dhakana – house specialities if not typically Bangladeshi cuisine. Apparently the players wanted to spice up their diet after the two group games – “If we eat too much before the games it will be bad for us,” allrounder Shakib Al Hasan wisely noted – and fell back on a restaurant that is used to such requests. Last year it reportedly delivered food halfway round the world to Beijing for the Bangladeshi athletes at the Olympics, so a hundred-odd miles to Nottingham is child’s play. And if Bangladesh do win on Monday, the dessert will doubtless taste extra sweet.

	Andrew McDonald: "Pretty original, Bob." © Getty Images

It’s one thing for an Australian cricketer to take jibes from the English press but from an Australian selector? Andrew McDonald was recently compared to Ronald McDonald by Bob Willis and the Sun accordingly mocked up a photo of the allrounder with the fast-food clown’s head.

McDonald has been nicknamed Ronnie for years and he thinks the least Willis could do would be to come up with a more inventive taunt. “Pretty original, Bob, obviously over six foot tall, redhead and last name McDonald,” he told AAP. “It's quite original, I've never heard it before.”

But McDonald was duly told by one of Australia’s selectors and first-rate sledgers, Merv Hughes, that his appearance made him fair game. “If you've got red hair and freckles and you look like he does,” Hughes said, “it's just open slather for mine.”

What was probably the cricket world’s worst kept secret became public knowledge on Wednesday: Sourav Ganguly will join the ranks of former players-turned-commentators during the World Twenty20. Ganguly, among the most controversial, colourful and outspoken cricketers of his generation, will be part of ESPN-Star’s heavyweight panel for the tournament and will be doing commentary stints in the knockout stages. His new colleagues will include Nasser Hussain, a sparring partner from Ganguly’s glory days as India captain – on the same day that Ganguly twirled his shirt on the Lord’s Balcony, Hussain had pointed his bat, well, rather pointedly at the media – and Ian Chappell, a critic of Ganguly’s captaincy style but not of course to the extent his brother was. Ganguly can be both petulant and charming but the hope is that he speaks his mind, as has been his wont.

Given the amount of time birds spend lounging on the outfields of the world’s cricket grounds, it’s a surprise that more don’t get killed by flying balls or speedy fielders.

A few do prove too slow to take evasive action - one, a sparrow killed in flight at Lord’s in 1936, was stuffed and is on display in the museum there. Only last season a pigeon was culled by a Matt Nicholson late cut while dozing down at third man at The Oval.

But few have been as unlucky as the bird splattered while flying across the pitch at Headingley during last weekend’s Twenty20 Roses match. One moment it was contemplating the next statue to perch on, the next it was brought down by a deadly-accurate throw from Jacques Rudolph. Its final ignominy came when it was picked up by Rudolph and dumped on the boundary edge, awaiting collection by the cleaning staff, or the local fox.

The bird may be gone but not forgotten. Its last moments live on thanks to YouTube.

	Paul Collingwood runs into bowl with the Cricket against Hunger logo on his sleeve © Associated Press

“Cricket Against Hunger” is a partnership with the United Nations World Food Programme (WFP), whose aim is to raise awareness of the problem of global hunger.

England’s teams have frequently been involved with the WFP on recent tours, most notably in Sri Lanka two years ago, when they attended a coaching session in Galle, ahead of the first Test to be held in the region since the devastating tsunami of December 2004.

”We’re very proud to have the Cricket Against Hunger logo on our shirts,” said England’s captain, Paul Collingwood. “I look back with very fond memories to the coaching session we ran in Galle.

“It is experiences like these that stick with you as an international cricketer and I look forward to having the opportunity to work closely with the United Nations World Food Programme on future tours.”

For young cricketers the chance to be asked to bowl in the nets at an international team is a dream come true, but for Reece Topley his encounter with Kevin Pietersen had a nasty end.

During England’s net session at Loughborough a straight drive from Pietersen hit Reece on the ear and left him needing stitches.

Now, if the surname rings a bell you’d be right. Reece’s father is Don Topley, the former Essex cricketer, who became famous when he almost took a brilliant catch while on as substitute against West Indies at Lord’s in 1984 but put his foot on the boundary. He later claimed to know of matches that had been fixed but nothing was proved.

And he showed his caring side when asked about his son’s mishap. “I did suggest to Reece that he might have dropped a catch – to which he replied he had stopped it going for six.”

Pietersen was concerned about Reece’s injury and has left him an autographed bat to collect on his return.

Marston’s Pedigree, the official beer of the England cricket team, have teamed up with Britain’s favourite bitter-sweet breakfast spread, Marmite. Out goes the traditional black jar with a yellow lid; in comes a dark-red colour resembling, to our minds at least, a cricket ball.

The “salty spread”, as the Daily Telegraph reported with outstanding elegant variation, have previously produced limited edition versions including one flavoured with champagne, and a Guinness version in 2007.

Who, though, could possibly comment on such a radical change for Britons’ favourite sticky yeast product? Who other than Dickie Bird? "Cricket is like Marmite, entirely eccentric; wholly British and something the rest of the world will never truly understand," he said.

No word on whether Vegemite, the limp Australian alternative to Marmite, has followed suit in a face-off between the two kings of spreads.

It was hardly a dangerous sequence, but actor John Abraham would have wished he used a body double. Abraham and India fast bowler L Balaji were filming a cricket training camp scene for the movie Hook Ya Crook when a yorker from Balaji broke the actor’s ankle.

But like a true professional, Abraham continued to shoot. It was much later that an X-ray revealed a fracture. The injury will keep Abraham out of action for 15 days but he has no shooting scheduling during that period.

Abraham received a thumbs-up from Balaji. “The wicket was a bit uneven and the ball hit his ankle, but he was a complete sport, he immediately went back to the pitch and played his next shot. I was very impressed with the kind of shots he played to my bowling,'' Balaji said.

Champion stuff from the ‘reel’ batsman.