Always one for restraint and good taste, Andrew Flintoff has found an oh-so-subtle way to remind himself of his Ashes triumphs every day. Flintoff has hired craftsmen to produce six-foot tile mosaics of the Ashes urn, inscribed with the years 2005 and 2009, to go on the bottom of the twin pools he’s having built in the basement of his Cheshire mansion.

News of the World reported the pieces will cost £3000 each, a mere trifle considering Flintoff reportedly bought the former home of the Manchester City manager Mark Hughes for £1.85 million only to demolish the place and fork out £2 million on building a six-bedroom house.

The pools are part of a basement leisure complex that also features a gym, sauna, cinema, bar and a snooker room. Fittingly, Flintoff is building in the village of Mottram St Andrew.

Jonathan Agnew is not yet a national institution of the same level as his old friend, Brian Johnston, but he’s certainly making steady progress and remains one of the most recognisable voices on British radio. As Test Match Special’s frontman, he (doubtless helped by the tireless Shilpa Patel) manages to secure some high-profile guests for the lunch and tea intervals, and last week managed to invite Lily Allen to be interviewed on the Saturday of the final Ashes Test.

The interview, though, has sparked fierce debate on Twitter - which both Agnew and Allen both use fervently – after it was suggested by the Observer Sports Monthly’s Will Buckley that Agnew had “positioned himself firmly on the pervy side of things”.

Buckley’s innuendo-laden piece was more tongue-in-cheek than an all-out attack on Aggers, but Agnew used his new-found love of Twitter to vent his anger, whipping up his herd into a meringue of support.

“I gave Will Buckley 24 hrs to aplogise for calling me a pervert, and he has declined. If you feel moved by this....[sic]” tapped @aggerscricket. “His boss is brian.oliver@observer.co.uk... well, as you can imagine, I have taken being called a pervert quite badly. Don't want him sacked...just an apology.” The tweets were chirping from Agnew’s phone with fervent vengeance.

Supporting her new friend, Allen has waded in. “I rerally think this Will Buckley guy should apologise to @aggerscricket, he was nothing but kind and gentlemanly to me during our interview [sic],” she vented. “i dont know 1 person that agrees with The Observer on this one. Maybe this is Buckleys attempt at creating a name for himself as the demise.”

At the time of writing, Agnew has 21,473 followers – some way short of Lily’s 1.2m – and his objection to Buckley prompted a regular stream of support from tweeters, at a rate of nearly one per minute. Not enough to prompt a retraction or apology from Buckley, but by 3.15pm Agnew neared to a result. “Apparently a statement from Buckley will be appearing soon in the comments under his ‘article’,” he said, wrapping the final word in angry, accusatory quotation marks.

Buckley's piece raises a grimace more than a smile, and Agnew has just cause for his anger. But the manner of his venting via Twitter is a sign of the times. John Prescott, the former deputy Prime Minister, is an unlikely regularly user himself, a comical happening in itself considering his famous bastardisation of the English language. Prescott today "tortured" the Conservative leader David Cameron on Twitter, slamming him for keeping Lord McColl, the shadow health minister, on the front bench, despite his chairing of a private healthcare company.

And as for the pervert accusation? Baseless and cruel, especially if Shane Warne can be laughed along with during his free-spirited requests on Sky - “Wave, Lily! Wave!” he roared. And she did, too.

Twitter has caused a chirping riot all summer. Philip Hughes, or rather his manager, announced he was not playing the Edgbaston Test under his account, @PH408. He has been silent ever since. Graeme Swann has been the king of cricket tweeting all summer, though. “wow. never felt quite so phenomenaly brilliant as i do tonight!!!” he wrote after England’s Ashes win.

An entertaining interviewee, as candid and honest as Dominic Cork yet he preserves his humility while still remaining witty. “our scoop today is a mild one, ali cook couldn't do a puzzle that said ages four to six on the box!” he tweeted of Alastair Cook’s dodgy technique. Puzzle technique, of course.

It happens every Ashes. Whoever loses is given the treatment by the press, but also by the advertisers, keen to ride the wave of publicity, and toss a few engaging ideas in their mind woks – or some such ad-lingo. With Australia losing the urn, Yahoo! decided to dig the knife in and give it a twist, with the now-traditional fake memoriam of Australian cricket.

The following appeared in yesterday’s Times and Daily Telegraph newspapers in the UK.

The original (below) first ran The Sporting Times all the way back in 1882. A mere 127 years later, the joke’s still going strong.

Despite a near-total media blackout in the dark days since England's humiliation at Headingley, the ECB were left dumbfounded this week when their 14-man squad for Thursday's Ashes decider was revealed in the press, with absolute certainty, a full two days before the official announcement was made at 9.30am on Sunday.

No Ravi Bopara, no Mark Ramprakash, not even a Robert Key. Instead Jonathan Trott was inked in for a Test debut, and Monty Panesar recalled as a potential second spinner. The accuracy with which these details were reported was uncanny, and briefly led the six men involved in the five-hour selection meeting at Trent Bridge to suspect foul play. Had the room been bugged? Had somebody been hiding behind the curtains, or under the table?

Embarrassingly, the truth appears to have been more prosaic. At the end of the deliberations, a piece of paper with the squad jotted down on it was reportedly scrunched into a ball, tossed into a waste-paper bin ... and duly pounced upon by the journalists down the corridor who had gathered to watch Warwickshire's County Championship clash with Nottinghamshire.

The extent of the ECB's paranoia in the wake of England's crushing defeat at Headingley has been revealed at a Street Sixes event in the City of London, hosted by the team's principal sponsors, Vodafone.

The main guest at the 24-team event near Liverpool Street was Matt Prior, who has been one of England's success stories of the summer, with sound keeping allied to reliable and fast-scoring form in an otherwise ropey middle order.

"I think Prior's been outstanding," his mentor and manager, Alec Stewart told Cricinfo this week. "Coming into this series there were question marks about him, but he's gradually winning his critics over. His batting you could never question, and I think his glovework has been outstanding.

"In the last 29 chances that have come his way, he's spilt one. Alan Knott used to always say to me that you work on a 90 percent success rate, and he's way above that. He's in there now on merit.

"It's nice that we're not reading about any mistakes he may or may not have made," Stewart added. "People are starting to write positively about him."

Or so they would, given half a chance. But instead of exploiting his current confidence and turning it to their advantage, the ECB chose to ban Prior from doing any media intervals other than brief setpieces with Sky Sports and the BBC. Even the topic of the sixes event was off-limits.

A frustrated Vodafone spokesman put a brave face on the situation. "Ultimately, we are supporters of the England cricket team," she said, "and we don't want to do anything that upsets them."

Not for much longer mind you. Vodafone's 12-year support of English cricket comes to an end next summer, with Brit Insurance set to take over, and so it doesn't really matter if the two parties fall out.

"The best thing is that the journos have not been writing or saying anything about Prior which to me says that he's kept very, very well," said Stewart. In the ECB's current state, it says something else as well.

The Barmy Army weren’t responsible for the fire alarm going off in Australia’s hotel in Canterbury. The players, according to the Sydney Morning Herald, were briefly concerned it was revenge for the England squad being woken at 5am by warning sirens on the first morning of their horrific Headingley Test.

Some Fanatics, part of an Australian support group, claimed they flicked the switch in Leeds, although hotel staff said it was caused by a guest’s clothes being placed on a heater. In Canterbury a faulty smoke detector set off the alarms.

More bells were ringing with Stuart Law’s self-promotion for a spot in England’s team for The Oval. Law, who played one Test for Australia in 1995-96 and 54 ODIs, told the Australian he should be considered alongside Mark Ramprakash.

"They are talking about everyone else so I'm putting my hand up as well -- I'm available and ready to play for England next week," Law said, hopefully tongue in cheek. "I'm in awesome touch, I scored a terrific century in a game for Lashings today."

England have been waiting for the real Ian Bell to stand up during this series and it appears they haven't come any closer to finding him. Twitter followers who thought they were gaining an insight into Bell's thinking were disappointed to discover that the user "ianbellmbe" was a hoax.

Comments on the Twitter page over the past week included "Getting back to county cricket is just what i needed! Rebuild, regroup, refocus, reenergise, recharge, resolve, revenge", and "The ashes big top moves on to leeds! It's great being part of the circus - as long as i'm more lion tamer than clown!"

But an ECB statement has confirmed that the entries are the work of an impostor. "These remarks were definitely NOT posted by Ian Bell," the statement said. "They are the work of a hoaxer and therefore should be disregarded."

If only Phillip Hughes could have used the same excuse. He found himself in a pickle with team management when his manager posted the fact that Hughes had been dropped from the Test team for Edgbaston before the announcement had been made public.

Graham Onions has become a Twitter target for English pop starlet Lily Allen, but soon she might be thinking of the fast bowler when singing her hit song “It’s not fair”.

“Is Onions married?,” Allen tweeted on Monday. He’s not, but he’s got a girlfriend. “I’m happy with her,” Onions said. “She doesn’t sing.” Onions would like to meet Allen, but thinks she’d be disappointed. “She’s obviously not seen me in real life,” he said.

Security guards formed a perimeter around the team dressing rooms and the entrance to the Eric Hollies Stand after a threat was reportedly phoned into authorities during the final day of the third Ashes Test at Edgbaston. A thorough search was conducted and a section of the grandstand evacuated around the lunch break. No suspicious packages were found, and the all-clear was given after 30 minutes.

So much for keeping team plans under wraps. Phil Hughes told the world of his omission for the third Test at Edgbaston via Twitter and his manager Neil d’Costa has admitted it may have been jumping the gun a little.

"Disappointed not to be on the field with the lads today," Hughes posted several hours before the Australian team announcement. "Will be supporting the guys, it's a BIG test match 4 us. Thanks 4 all the support!"

D'Costa explained that Hughes sends him his ‘tweets’ then D’Costa passes them onto “the IT guy” who uploads them into Hughes’ page. It’s a case of when’s a twitterer not a twitterer.

"I look after the Twitter for Phillip and we were certainly under the impression [the timing was okay] because of the time change," D'Costa told Sky Sports News.

"I'm in India and I was dealing with all the stuff through Australia. Unfortunately I am probably the fool in this situation."

Asked whether Hughes could be in hot water for revealing team details before the toss D’Costa added. “I’ve spoken to Cricket Australia and they are pretty comfortable with it.”

The twist in this twitter tale could still be come, though. With the delayed start at Edgbaston neither side has needed to name their final XI yet. Who knows how Australia’s plans might chance before play actually starts. Is Hughes in? Is Hughes out? Stay tuned to Twitter to find out.

At 1-0 down, Australia would love to have Shane Warne in their Ashes squad. Instead, he's been beating up on England at the card table. An Australian team led by Warne beat an England team led by Darren Gough in the inaugural 888.com Poker Ashes.

Warne's team featured Dean Jones, Damien Martyn, Jeff Thomson and some online qualifiers, while Gough had in his corner Darren Gough, Dimitri Mascarenhas, Matthew Hoggard, Robert Key, Min Patel, Gladstone Small and Peter Such. Australia won 3-1.

And as the result of a side bet between the captains, Gough spent the first day of the Edgbaston Test at the ground in an Australian shirt. “Goughie’s been a good sport," Warne said, "but you would think that he would know by now not to back himself against an Aussie."

It’s a sure-fire certainty that Andrew Flintoff is set to absolutely rake it in as he steps away from Test cricket to concentrate on one-dayers. He remains arguably England’s most marketable cricketer, one of those few cricketers whose name and face is familiar even to those not so enamoured with cricket.

His lowest, wettest moment as a cricketer – pedalo-gate in 2007 - is set to earn him and his charity a bucket load of cash, too, in a new advert for men’s deodorant. Flintoff will appear in a viral advert seen pedalling through rivers and canals after a bunch of Australians try to sabotage his transport in getting to an Ashes Test, by swapping his car with a pedalo.

The pedalo will be auctioned on eBay, the proceeds going to support Flintoff’s charity, the AF Foundation, and the video can be seen at The Guardian.

Fresh from his exploits at the recent World Series of Poker in Las Vegas, in which he progressed to the third round of the competition, Shane Warne is all set to show off his card tricks in the forthcoming “Poker Ashes”, the first round of which will be televised tonight on Sky Sports at 10.30pm.

Sponsored by 888.com, the format pits two teams of former Ashes cricketers against one another, with Warne captaining the Australians, and Darren Gough leading the line for England. “We’ve got home advantage and the best poker players in English cricket flying the flag,” said Gough. “It’s going to be a long flight home for Shane and co after a cricket/poker double this summer.”

As the 12th man who braved the collective wrath of the Australian team, Bilal Shafayat presumably has quite the story to tell. Sadly, we won't be hearing it anytime soon. Speaking to Cricinfo on Tuesday, Shafayat revealed he had been instructed by the ECB to stay schtum on the glove-gate saga that so raised the ire of Ricky Ponting.

"I'm under strict orders," he said. Admittedly, much of his exchange with Ponting would be unprintable on a wholesome website such as this but, rest assured, The Buzz will not rest until the Gary Pratt of a new generation is heard.

	Shane Warne couldn't sustain his winning run at the World Series of Poker © 888.com

He may, however, need a couple more days to recover from what was, by all accounts, a traumatic way to bomb out of an event that could have netted him up to US$10 million had he progressed all the way to the final table on July 15.

Having gone into the third round with a very healthy stack of 173,700 chips, and 24th in the overall standings, Warne suffered what is known as a “bad beat” and, according to pokernetwork.com, his challenge “collapsed quicker than the English batting order.”

“Warne flopped a flush only to see his opponent improve his set to a full house on the river,” reported the website, “and shortly after ran his pocket eights into an opponent’s pocket aces." And in cricketing terms, that is roughly as unlucky as being given out lbw off an inside edge. Twice in one match.

It sometimes seems as though Richard Branson is taking over the world. When you see an image like this you realise that, should aliens have landed in the past couple of days, they might assume Branson is the president of Earth.

As the opening Test began in Cardiff, Branson hijacked the Sydney Harbour Bridge to send a message to Ricky Ponting. "Good luck Ricky. You'll need it. Dicky X," the message read.

It came via a 25-metre projection of the billionaire, whose Virgin Media has launched a Fifty50 campaign, whereby the company will donate £1000 to charity each time an England player scores a half-century during the Ashes.

When Andrew Strauss and Ricky Ponting meet in the middle on Wednesday for the toss, there could be no call of heads or tails when the coin is flicked.

The ECB commissioned the Royal Mint, whose home is in Wales, to produce a commemorative medal for the 2009 Ashes. But on closer inspection, there is neither a head or a tail to be seen. Instead, it pictures a batsman presenting a solid forward defence on one side, and npower's logo on the reverse.

A spokesman for Royal Mint told Cricinfo that the side showing the batsman will be called heads, but don't discount one of Ponting and Strauss yelling “npower” to delight their sponsors. The gold medals are limited edition and yours for £1595.

Though Warne and McGrath have rolled back the years with some traditionally ridiculous pre-Ashes banter, the build up to the 2009 Ashes has been uncomfortably genial. But that hasn’t stopped Mitchell Johnson’s mum from wading in, slamming – for want of a more appropriate, non basketball-sounding phrase - both Cricket Australia and Johnson’s lady, karate kid herself and belle of the ball, Jessica Bratich.

All is not well chez Johnson. "I get a text on Mother's Day and a text on my birthday," she sobbed to Australia’s Herald Sun. "The last time I actually spoke to him was when the beach cricket was here (and) Dennis Lillee told him he had to ring his mother, so Mitchell rang me that day. It has been like this since Jess came on the scene.”

Poor Cricket Australia have been hit a double blow by two forthright ladies – Bratich last week, and now Johnson’s mum, Ms Harber.

"For the wives and the children I think it is great that they support them and send the over there, but who are these girlfriends? They are just girlfriends,” Ms Harber said, in a string of quotations that sounds more like a script for Neighbours. "Mitch met Jess and since then she has flown off to South Africa, to England and the Bahamas. She gets all these trips, she gets flown there, accommodation, food and all of that."

Johnson is aware of his mother’s comments but has refused to reply. Wise man indeed.

Those who have slammed Cricket Australia for allowing WAGs – that sorry acronym to describe wives and girlfriends, which can’t help but sound derogatory and infantile – should watch out. Jessica Bratich, Mitchell Johnson’s other half, has come out fighting in their defence, and she’s no walkover. She is in fact a black-belt in karate.

"The boys are away four and a half months," she retorted to the former players and critics who have attacked CA. "Mitch goes from there straight to South Africa so they're actually away for six months. I think it's a bit ridiculous to think we're not going to go over there and support them."

One of the critics is Michael Slater, though his comments are slightly devalued given that he divorced his wife during the 2001 Ashes tour. He also drop-kicked Cricket Australia for allowing wives and girlfriends during the pre-Ashes camp at Coolum.

"In terms of the preparation,” he said, “when you're coming up with your strategy you don't need the partners there.”

During England’s horrific tour in the last (and quickly forgotten) Ashes tour in 2006-07, many criticised the presence of the WAGs who, they felt, had a detrimental impact on England’s performance. The same was said during Australia’s last trip here, and the same will be said again on this tour.

Australia’s captain Ricky Ponting is behind the WAGs all the way. “After a long day in the field,” he said in 2007, “it's great to be able to get away from cricket and freshen up that way.”

Steady on…

For those who seek omens at this stage of the build-up to an Ashes campaign, a fairly sizeable one was on display at Barnes Cricket Club last week, when England beat Australia by 28 runs … in the inaugural Blogger’s Ashes. The match was a 30-over-a-side affair, arranged by the men behind the Village Cricketer and Cricket with Balls blogs. England batted first and made 202 for 8, with Ed Craig, deputy editor of the Wisden Cricketer, top-scoring with 34 and scoring a direct hit on a lady sunbathing in a nearby garden. Australia, in reply, were rolled over for 174, with Patrick Kidd of The Times taking 3 for 25. The event raised more than £1000 for the Everyman Male Cancer Campaign.

While the thousands of Australians living in Britain scoff and laugh at the "heatwave" sweeping the nation, it gives cricket fans a good chance to expose themselves to dangerous levels of sun while catching a taste of the Ashes on the big screen. The ECB's hugely popular Cricket in the Park events will be available across the country throughout the Ashes, ensuring that the country will once again be gripped by the Ashes wherever you might be.

The venues are as follows:

• Southampton, Hoglands Park - Fri 10 and Sat 11 July (during Cardiff Test)
• Liverpool, Sefton Park - Sat 18 and Sun 19 July (Lord's Test)
• Cambridge, Parkers Piece - Sat 1 and Sun 2 Aug (Edgbaston Test)
• Derby, Markeaton Park - Sat 8 and Sun 9 Aug (Headingley Test)
• London, Regent's Park - Sat 22 and Sun 23 Aug (Brit Oval Test)

Though Aussies might laugh at pasty poms blistering like tomatoes on a barbecue, a quick trip 10 metres underground on the Tube ought to remind them just how sweltering the conditions can be. And in 2005, so entranced by the series did the nation become, that London Underground even updated some of the scores on the archaic screens while passengers waited for the next train.

Things are a bit confusing in Worcester this week, with Australians sitting on both sides of the fence, and even Ricky Ponting forgot his allegiance. With two of his former coaches, John Buchanan and Dene Hills, in the ground working with the England Lions ahead of Wednesday’s tour game, Ponting referred to himself as “captain of England”.

The correction came instantly – “er, captain of Australia” – but it was a revealing slip to a question over whether his outlook had mellowed since 2005. “Not as a competitor, not as a cricketer,” he said. “I hope I am as competitive as I’ve ever been on a cricket field. Things away from the field are pretty good, although I have been away for five weeks from the little one [his baby daughter Emmy].”

Buchanan, who guided Australia for seven years, spoke to the Lions and England Under-16 squads and felt comfortable working across the oval from his old team. Hills, a former assistant to Buchanan and state team-mate of Ponting, is part of the local coaching staff. The game no longer contains state secrets.

	Carl Howell in front of a giant Shane Warne poster © Cricinfo Ltd

He may not be playing for Australia any longer, but the shadow Shane Warne casts still looms large – as, indeed, does his face.

A six-foot high poster of Warne appeared on a bricked-up window of Advanced Hair Studios, the company to whom Warne is their now-hirsute ambassador. With depressing predictability, Camden Council have told them to take it down, but they hadn’t banked on the chairman of the company being an Australian, and a feverish cricket fan to boot.

So Carl Howell has set the council a charitable challenge. “I’m prepared to offer the council a wager,” he said. “If England win, we will take it down and pay £5,000 to the Camden Mayor’s Charity Trust Fund. If we [Australia] win, we can keep the poster up. The history between the Aussies and England is based upon having a good laugh together at the end of the series regardless of who wins.”

Councils are not, however, renowned for their sense of cheer and jollity, and it remains to be seen whether the poster will be pulled by the fun police.

Warne, never one to let a jibe pass, said: “Camden Council should be relieved I’m not playing”.

Australian sportsmen are a friendly bunch – with eachother, if not always their opponents. Mark Webber, the Australian Formula 1 driver, was spotted at Wimbledon last week with his fellow countryman Lleyton Hewitt, who seems to have developed a new lease for life, demonstrating his characteristic whippet-like scampering across the baseline and raucous “come on!” calls to his fans.

It goes without saying who Hewitt thinks will win the Ashes – “you got lucky in 05” was his relievingly-predictable jibe last week – and in the meantime, Webber was today spotted chatting to Ricky Ponting at a training session, ahead of their match against England Lions in Worcester on Wednesday. Australia may not have a spinner worth his salt, but as anyone who lives in London will confirm, they are not lacking support.

Neil Fannon and Thomas Walsh, the creators of the concept album Duckworth and Lewis Method, be warned: they have competition in the little-tapped-into cricket music industry this summer. Npower, the sponsors of England cricket, have employed David Fine to compose poems during the upcoming Ashes series. Fine also did poetry and sketches during the previous series but this time they will be on Twitter.

Fine said writing on Twitter, with its 150-character limit, was like writing a haiku. On his blog ashespoetry, Fine said the first poem of the series will be titled Cellophane. Here's an extract from his poem on Stuart Clark from the 2006-07 series.

Not that you’d notice him for seeing, the sort of bloke in the office who always comes to work on time to a tidy desk all parts done efficiently yesterday. Pays the drinks kitty and sweepstake promptly and tells the sharpest stories about the bosses secretly (not that you notice him for seeing.)

The Ashes is but 12 banter-filled days away, and English fans already have the perfect excuse prepared if the unthinkable should happen and England fail to regain the Ashes. It's all due to El Nino.

It's quite a relief. Before 2005, a generation of fans had only the flimsiest of reasons to lay bare at England's calamitous displays against Australia. Their inability to play spin; a weakness against the short ball; county cricket protecting too many average losers; the fact they can't catch, can't handle the pressure, the heat, the rain, or simply can't play the game very well. Now, triumphantly, scientists have the answer.

According to a study published today in Weather, the El Nino Southern Oscillation phenomenon has two phases which have had dramatically influenced Ashes results. During “El Nino years”, Australia won 13 out of 17 series (76%) but only 5 out of 13 in “La Nina years”. Remarkably, England have won just one series in the last 100 years following an El Nino event – the Bodyline series of 1932/33.

"This study shows it may be possible to tell by next winter whether England has a better chance of success in the following Ashes series than previous tours," said the study's author, Manoj Joshi, from the Walker Institute at The University of Reading.

"The study could even influence whether the England touring team should include more fast bowlers or more swing bowlers," Joshi added. "However, it must be emphasised that this climatic effect is small compared to the human element, so whoever loses in 2010-11 can't use El Nino as an excuse.”

Oh yes they can.

	Andrew McDonald: "Pretty original, Bob." © Getty Images

It’s one thing for an Australian cricketer to take jibes from the English press but from an Australian selector? Andrew McDonald was recently compared to Ronald McDonald by Bob Willis and the Sun accordingly mocked up a photo of the allrounder with the fast-food clown’s head.

McDonald has been nicknamed Ronnie for years and he thinks the least Willis could do would be to come up with a more inventive taunt. “Pretty original, Bob, obviously over six foot tall, redhead and last name McDonald,” he told AAP. “It's quite original, I've never heard it before.”

But McDonald was duly told by one of Australia’s selectors and first-rate sledgers, Merv Hughes, that his appearance made him fair game. “If you've got red hair and freckles and you look like he does,” Hughes said, “it's just open slather for mine.”

	© Getty Images

Before the inevitable jibes about the sun never shining in England, there’s a mini heatwave on at the moment (OK, it’s still chilly for most visitors but the British have low heat tolerance) and the forecasters are predicting a hot summer. And scientists have found that the right type of sunglasses could improve catching ability by up to 28%.

Most sunglasses worn by cricketers are too dark, so some clearly underutilised boffins decided after months of painstaking research carried out in bars next to cricket grounds the length and breadth of the land. As a result, players have been told how to optimise their vision by wearing the right coloured lenses for the conditions from a selection of yellow, red, gold, silver and orange.

Alarmingly, the researchers said that one of the people asked to test the sunglasses to assess the impact they made was … er … Monty Panesar. “We wanted to see what improvement they made to their performance and were put through their paces by fielding machines under a range of different lighting conditions,” said an aforementioned boffin.

It seems that the ECB is so taken with the research that it has even experimented with tinted contact lenses, but the idea was dropped after some players expressed unease.

	Graeme Hick and Michael Kasprowicz with actress Tracey Ullman, who tossed the coin for the 'Ashes' encounter © FilmMagic

The Ashes have already been decided…in Hollywood. The second Westfield Hollywood Ashes, at the picturesque Woodley Park cricket ground in suburban Los Angeles, ended with Australia, led by Michael Kasprowicz beating England, led by Graeme Hick, by 29 runs in the Twenty20 encounter.

Hick was joined in the England side by action Julian Sands, who stars in 24, and Dancing with the Stars judge Len Goodman, while the most popular member of the Australian side appeared to be former Calvin Kline model Travis Fimmel.

"It is one of the greatest wins of my entire cricket career," Kasprowicz, told AAP. "Nineteen years of first class cricket, so yeah, as you can see it is a big moment. I'm glowing."

Around 800 watched the action, but the game still appears a mystery to some Americans who couldn’t fathom why they were playing for the Ashes. "Who died?" she asked.

Nearly 16 years after his 'ball of the century' to Mike Gatting marked the start of his domination of England, Shane Warne unusually finds himself a little apprehensive going into an Ashes series.

He may not be sending down those ripping legbreaks anymore, but he has signed up to commentate for Sky this summer. With Australia looking at their shakiest in a long time, Warne isn’t looking forward to calling the game with the likes of Ian Botham and Nasser Hussain if England start to dominate. “Copping an earful from 'Beefy' if we’re under the pump out in the middle . . . I reckon I’d be counting down every second to the end of my stint on air,” he wrote in his column in the Times. What England fans would have given to have had Warne jittery ahead of an Ashes campaign during his playing days.