If you’ve ever wondered what cricket journalists get up to on tour, then boil the kettle, set aside 25 minutes, and observe (with wry bemusement) the antics of Fleet Street’s finest on England’s recent tour of South Africa.

The men responsible for this fly-on-the-wall documentary are the freelance photographer Phil Brown and PA’s staff snapper Gareth Cpoley [sic] – a double-act who were accurately described as “bonkers” by the former England captain, Michael Vaughan, during one of his commentary stints on Test Match Special.

In the photographers’ alternative view, the average cricket tour involves a lot of crazy golf, a bit of shark-diving, a wide selection of chocolate bars and some pretty ordinary attempts at body-boarding. Enlightening.

Electric Dreams

Test cricket’s leisurely pace harks back to a bygone era, when there were no live television broadcasts, and radio commentary held sway. Even today, it has its ardent followers, the kind that faithfully tune in to BBC’s Test Match Special (TMS). Unfortunately, non-English followers of the South Africa series cannot access TMS since BBC does not have commercial rights to stream England’s away tours, to international audiences. All that is set to change, thanks to a group of amateur commentators who have started making waves, literally. Tom Clark is the producer of a radio commentary show, hosted free of cost on a website called Test Match Sofa. As the name implies, the self-professed arm-chair critics watch live action on television and say it as they see it. Clark is happy with the popularity of the show, which has sky-rocketed since the Cardiff Test match of the Ashes. “We’re living the dream of being a Test Match Special commentator but because we do not have the political aspect of keeping on good terms with the likes of Graeme Swann and Stuart Broad we can be a bit more irreverent,” says Clark. Sofa, so good.

Tributes continue to pour in for Makhaya Ntini during his 100th Test, but the one he received on the third morning at Centurion Park probably trumps them all, as Nelson Mandela, the former South Africa president, sent him a personal letter.

“Hearty congratulations as you play your one hundredth cricket Test,” the letter began. “What you have achieved goes beyond the number of matches you played; you have demonstrated, especially to the youth of our country, that everyone can rise above their circumstances and achieve success if they are dedicated to and passionate about what they do. We are proud of you!”

Ntini received the note shortly before he went out to begin play and said: “I don’t want to get too emotional as I go out to play.”

It certainly didn’t appear to affect him, as in his third over of the morning he extracted Andrew Strauss with a ball that scooted low and took out the off stump. The wicket meant everyone in the crowd was able to go and claim their free beer which was promised by a sponsor whenever Ntini opened his account.

Yesterday, Ntini led South Africa onto the field with his son and was watched on by his family. However, he then had Alastair Cook dropped in the first over when AB de Villiers spilled a catch at third slip, but it was only going to be a matter of time before he got himself in the wickets.

What would you ask if you had the chance to chat with David Beckham? For Makhaya Ntini it was the moment to ask him about his underwear.

The pair met during the football World Cup draw in Cape Town and Ntini took the chance to find out if it was true that Beckham only used his underwear once.

"I shared a room with David and even asked him about his underwear – if it's true that he uses it just once and throws it away,” Ntini said ahead of his 100th Test. "He said he had heard about these stories but they are all lies. I said, 'If I was your gardener, I would sleep next to the dustbin because the following morning something is going to be dumped there. And if it has only been used once, I can use it again!'"

The South African squad have arrived in Potchefstroom, but their kit hasn’t. The players flew into Johannesburg from all over the country on Friday, then made the hour-long road trip to the university town, yet their attire wasn’t quite so efficient.

The players had to scrabble around in their own luggage to find some suitable clothing to wear for training so there was a hotch-potch (no pun intended) of T-shirts and shorts on show as they jogged around the outfield. It was like the days before sponsored kit, when the players would turn up in what they owned themselves.

“The kit hasn’t arrived and that’s why we are all in makeshift stuff at the moment which isn’t ideal but there’s nothing we can do about,” coach Mickey Arthur said. “The guys are very mature, I like the way the guys have handled themselves and have just got on with it.”

Even when not on air commentators need to be careful about what they say. The BBC has been forced to apologise after a foul-mouthed outburst from Geoff Boycott was heard by listeners to Test Match Special during the fourth one-day international at Port Elizabeth.

Boycott was picked up shouting “f****** t****r'' at about the time England took their sixth wicket while bowling out South Africa for 119. It’s unclear whether it was a comment on the batting, bowler or nothing related to the match.

A Radio 5 Live spokesman said: “An off-air comment made by Geoffrey Boycott
In a live broadcast was heard by some listeners which we apologised for as soon
As we realised it had been audible.''

	Duncan Fletcher: back in the box © Getty Images

Listeners to the BBC's Test Match Special are in for a rare treat this winter, in the form of a gruff, monotone Zimbabwean, whose guarded utterances required the travelling press corps to develop forensic journalistic skills during his seven-year stint at the helm of the England cricket team.

That's right, Duncan Fletcher has put aside his ingrained loathing of the media and been persuaded out of his bubble, and will provide expert analysis during England's fixtures in his home town of Cape Town this winter. Having performed a consultancy role during South Africa's successful tour of Australia last year, he is ideally placed to provide insight from both camps.

Aside from a regular column in The Guardian, Fletcher has kept a low media profile since his no-holds-barred autobiography was released in 2007, although in the TMS box he will have a chance to team up with his former sidekick, Michael Vaughan, who was England's victorious captain when they last toured South Africa in 2004-05.

For his fans and former foes alike, there will be great nostalgic value in hearing Fletcher utter his favourite lines for one last time - not least "aww look ..." and "this is not the right forum ..." especially if Graeme Swann starts spinning England to victory.