Andrew Hughes' fan diary
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November 5, 2011
Posted by Andrew Hughes on 11/05/2011
The wild life of Shahid Afridi
Lasith Malinga helps out at the macaroni and fusili pasta section of Colombo's gourmet stores
© Getty ImagesWednesday, 2nd November
Something strange is afoot. Back at the soggy end of September, Graeme Swann suggested that West Indies hadn’t bowled well enough to dismiss England for 88. And yet the scoreboard read, “England 88 all out”. Mysterious. And now history has repeated itself. “They hardly got us out,” said Bangladeshi captain Mushfiqur Rahim, after some bowlers or other had dismissed the Tigers for 278.
Every time West Indies roll into town, the home team suddenly and mysteriously begin losing wickets. What is going on? Is it a conspiracy? Have the men from the Caribbean finally managed to incorporate Klingon cloaking technology, making Marlon Samuels invisible to the naked eye? Or could it be that they’ve found a decent bowling attack and the rest of the world is being a little ungracious?
Thursday, 3rd November
Give praise to the god of satire, for Afridi is back! His unconditional unretirement (slight return) means that the cricket world is approximately 10% more interesting in real terms. So how have you been keeping, Shahid?
"I am strong, fit and in good shape to cover the wild period I had lost during the time of retirement.”
Wild period? Sounds intriguing. Tell us more about this wild period. Did you grow dreads and journey across Outer Mongolia in a beat-up multicoloured camper van? Did you have a tattoo of a man eating a cricket ball with the legend “Lala likes leather for lunch” across your upper back? Did you spend some time in the jungles of Borneo, learning how the orangutan deals with the outswinger?
Oh, you played for Hampshire. Well, that’s pretty wild, I guess. But his return to the one-day squad was not a formality and as always, the Pakistan selection committee carefully weighed up the pros and cons in an objective and dispassionate manner.
“He is like a son to me,” said interim selector Mohammad Ilyas, “And his selection is not unfair.”
Friday, 4th November
Colossal fiscal incompetence is everywhere it seems, so we shouldn’t be surprised to see cricket boards following the fashion for financial stupidity. Our old friends, SLC built a lot of grounds that they couldn’t afford to run and so, naturally enough, have handed them over to the military. I’m not entirely sure what the military would want with cricket stadiums, though if the SLPL ever happens, I guess Ravi could have fun spotting sponsored Abrams tanks and F16s rather than the accursed blimp.
But it isn’t just the stadiums that SLC are offloading. Many of the players are being handed over local businesses as the board can no longer afford to run them either. Kumar Sangakkara will be working for a Mrs De Silva of Market Street, Colombo, shouting out the prices at her fruit and vegetable stall; Mahela Jayawardene will be employed as a street sweeper by Galle District Council, tidying up the mess that others have left (similar to his current role) and Ajantha Mendis will be placed in storage at the Kandy Museum of Mystery, though may not be picked for every exhibition.
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Posted by: M.s on 11/05/2011
the language used is very rough.
Posted by: Lofted Shot on 11/05/2011
Andrew, You're joke
Posted by: Anonymous on 11/05/2011
Biased about afridi ...
Posted by: Harris Khan on 11/05/2011
Always a lovely experience to read Afridi related humor.
Posted by: Rony Patra on 11/05/2011
ROFL!!! :D
Posted by: Anonymous on 11/05/2011
boring
Posted by: Haroon Abdullah on 11/05/2011
Funny as always. Keep up the good work!
Posted by: TD_160 on 11/05/2011
Loved the SLC jokes. Hilarious!
Posted by: clayton h on 11/05/2011
So. Who got you out England? Was is the almighty stupidity? You are a sorry bunch of cowards the word that got you out is inability you expected to run over West In dies and because they walked over you run, application boys this is not the 1940s when you could match in foriegn lands and occupy them in the name of the Queen you are a gutless bunch. West Indies will always be able to beat you it,s called the fear of the black man with red in the hand.
Posted by: sumant on 11/05/2011
Ajantha Mendis is an army man himself....perhaps he will be in the Abrhams?
Posted by: Anas on 11/05/2011
Preety cheap article.
Posted by: Rizwan on 11/05/2011
Very rightly said “He is like a son to me,” said interim selector Mohammad Ilyas, “And his selection is not unfair.” Lol..............................
Posted by: Usman on 11/05/2011
put up some quality articles
Posted by: Hassan Farooqi on 11/05/2011
"Lala Likes Leather for Lunch". LoL. I am a die hard Afridi fan and I really loved the crack. People do not understand Afridi, nor do they understand his fans. He is unique, and so are his fans. He can take all jokes about him, and so do his fans. In an interview he said, "When I returned home, I saw my little daughter holding a red apple between her teeth. I asked what was this all about, and was told she was making fun of my ball chewing act.".
Posted by: Narad Narine on 11/05/2011
West Indies have a bunch of Brainless executives controling its cricket.Also it have coach who could not bowl or bat, but he wants to tell professionels like Gayle,Chanderpaul and others how to bat or bowl.
Posted by: Saffi on 11/05/2011
I like.
Posted by: Iram on 11/06/2011
Haha, nice read.
Posted by: FAISAL on 11/06/2011
Love the imagination around Afridi and his tattoo ... lol. Good blog.
Posted by: a.dev on 11/06/2011
Andrew dude, you is a good writer. write some books or make docos, you should be successful.
Posted by: Zaid on 11/06/2011
I took this pretty seriously i mean, when will the world realize that Windies have a pretty strong bowling lineup, and their batting is catching up, they may be a decent team in a few years.
Posted by: Sai on 11/06/2011
“Lala likes leather for lunch” ROFL.You may have upset some serious Afridi fans though, who even want him to play test cricket!
Posted by: Bryan Slater on 11/06/2011
the afridi part is 2 HILLAROUS...HAHAHA gud job, A Big UP to andrew hughes. Keep em coming.. "The Wild Life OF Afridi" HAHAHA.
Posted by: Ameer on 11/06/2011
Afridi's bit was a nice one........... liked the whole article though.
Keep it up!
Posted by: Raj Dayal on 11/06/2011
The debacle of he SLC and that of the Pakistan Board have very strong bearings on the snaring of young men to fix matches. In countrie outside the Indian Continent it is difficult to persuade crickters to deviate from honesty. Is this because those of a brown skin are inherently cheaters while others are models good behaviour? I put it to you that this is not the case. Most of the latter are well catered for by their boards withcontracts in the millions - this is without gains from sponsorship. In contrast others have a hand to mouth existence in terms of rewards playing cricket for their country. Wake up you Boards and jump on the bandwagon of money that is the norm in all sports from netbal to football.
Posted by: Zee on 11/06/2011
Andrew Hughes, your wild time is writing cricinfo articles. You shouldn't be talking.
Posted by: Murad Wamiq on 11/06/2011
Andrew you have a very close observation of jungles,isnt it so?. Shahid is a cricket player not a lawyer that he should know the game of words. furthermore, andrew leave these south asian players kindly have ur nice observations on english players too, u will also come to know about the primative relationship even. and they should also be highlighted in the light of ur great wisdom
Posted by: riz on 11/08/2011
It was brilliant!
Also, I think Sri Lankans got MIGs, not F-16, wonder what Ravi will feel about them.
Posted by: Usama on 11/26/2011
Ahahahahahaha I liked a lot that description of Srilankan Players job,Loved it
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Andrew Hughes is a writer and avid cricket watcher who has always retained a healthy suspicion of professional sportsmen, and like any right-thinking person, rates Neville Cardus more highly than Don Bradman. Providing his ransom demands continue to be met, he has promised never to write a whimsical book about village cricket.
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