”Yay, there’s two of us in this photograph and I’m the only one who’s long and lissome and clenching his fists in this toffee-nosed Enid Blyton way. Yay!” © Getty Images

Saturday, 16th July
Sri Lanka’s new interim coach has warned his players to be wary of Australia.

“They will be like a wounded tiger after losing the Ashes and the World Cup and they will be hungry.”

A wounded tiger? Really? I don’t blame Rumesh for trying to whip up a bit of pre-series hype, but I fear those Sri Lankans who do turn up expecting a wounded tiger are going to be a bit disappointed when they find themselves watching an asthmatic possum with a dodgy hip.

Sunday, 17th July
The ICC is toying with the idea of a timeless Test to settle the Test Championship in 2013. I’m all for taking Test cricket back to its roots, but I’m not sure they’ve really thought this one through. Let me spell out for you the potential horror of the situation.

This Championship-deciding Test match could conceivably involve England. England means Cook and Trott. On a Lord’s featherbed. For days on end. And that, my friends, is clearly a violation of the UN Convention on Human Rights.

Monday, 18th July
There’s a spot of bother at Team England HQ and it’s all to do with English cricket’s favourite blond. Apart from holding the world record for teapotting and being handy with a scowl, just what exactly is Stuart’s role?

“We want him to be the enforcer in our team. There is no better bowler in the world than Stuart at bowling bouncers.”

David Saker, England’s bowling facilitator, spells it out for us. Apart from the fact that the baby-faced Broad is only slightly more intimidating than James Anderson, which is to say, not very intimidating at all, that does at least make it clear why the lanky tantrum-thrower is in the team. But hang on a minute.

“I’ve heard some crazy stuff about him being an enforcer. His job is not to rough up the opposition. It is not to be this ridiculous enforcer.”

So says Andy Flower. Now I don’t know what to think. Next time Stuart fires it ineffectively down the leg side, do we assume it’s an enforcement wide to rough up the fine-leg fielder, or a putting-it-on-a-nagging-length kind of wide?

And when you add his neither-one-thing-nor-the-other-bowling to his occasionally effective but often disappointing batting, it seems that Broad is in danger of becoming the classiest bits-and-pieces player in English cricket. Never mind the new Ian Botham, at the moment he’s the new Mark Ealham.

Tuesday, 19th July
What is it with Steve Waugh and lie detectors? He’s been banging on about them again today. Was he a big Jerry Springer fan? Or is he just taking his theory of mental disintegration to the next level? This time he went to the trouble of getting himself all wired up. He knows he isn’t corrupt, you see, so just by passing the test he proved that it works. Unless he was lying, of course.

Anyway, polygraphs are so dull. There must be other unscientific methods of rooting out corruption that are a bit edgier. How about graphology? I bet dodgy cricketers have really shifty-looking vowels. Maybe we could scrutinise tea leaves. I happen to know, for example, that after questioning by police, the dregs in Salman Butt’s mug apparently formed themselves into a perfect $ sign. And of course, there’s always astrology: “With the moon in Venus at the moment, Pisceans will be particularly susceptible to accepting brown envelopes from strangers in hotel bars.”

Messrs Pawar and Lorgat: hotel room-trashing, television-flinging, M&M-eating, hard-partying rock stars © Getty Images

Saturday, 25th June
In my experience it’s better to have one really good excuse, than two and a half iffy ones. For example, if you’re trying to get out of a particularly boring social occasion by claiming that your hamster has died, there’s no need to add that your budgerigar has wing rot and that you think your conservatory might be on fire. As Hercule Poirot might put it, one alibi c’est bon, three alibis is the coincidence most suspicious.

Well I’m afraid that Niranjan Shah was guilty of over-egging the excuse pudding today as he attempted to explain why he doesn’t like the DRS. As I understand it, the BCCI’s argument goes like this:

1. DRS is far too expensive and we can’t afford it.
2. And even if we could afford it, think about the poor Sri Lankans and West Indians.
3. Well yes, they all want it, but they don’t know what’s good for them.
4. Besides, it’s not accurate.
5. And even the bits that are accurate are only used a few times each innings. It would be much better if it was used all the time.
6. Not that you could use it all the time, because that would slow the game down.
7. Anyway, it undermines the umpires.
8. And that’s our job.

Sunday, 26th June
I’m pleased to report that the outbreak of success in England’s limited-overs cricket has been contained. Yesterday’s effort at Bristol conclusively proved that the previous captain had been the problem all along and that the recent Collingwoodectomy has enabled a full recovery from the symptoms of disorientation and confusion associated with unexpected and repeated victory.

Monday, 27th June
Never mind Glastonbury, Wimbledon and Ascot. In the Hughes household, there is no doubt about the biggest event of the summer. It’s the ICC annual conference. You’ll find more interesting cricket-related activity in five minutes there than in the entirety of the England v Sri Lanka series. I’ve got my “ICCAC ’11” t-shirt, my “Haroon Lorgat Rocks” mug, and I’ve been tuning in to ICCTV every morning.

It’s been a thriller of non-stop administration. One minute there’s a preliminary committee hearing on the feasibility of amending the bat-handle length regulations, and then before you know it, it’s straight over to live coverage of the afternoon biscuit break. Then there’s the highlights show, presented by Mark Nicholas and Henry Kissinger, featuring all the best bits of the day’s bureaucratic bonanza.

But inevitably the temptation to tinker with 50-over cricket has been irresistible and they’ve fiddled about with the Powerplay. I’m not entirely sure what they’ve done; in fact, to be honest, I’ve never really understood the Powerplay. It’s a little embarrassing, but there it is. It hasn’t been too much of a handicap socially because most of the people I talk to don’t really understand it either.

Why the tinkering? It's part of the ICC’s unhealthy obsession with tarting up the middle bit of one-day internationals, which is a bit of a mystery, considering people still turn up to these matches in their thousands. Instead of fretting about a few dull minutes in a 50-over game, how about coming up with ways to enliven the desolate wilderness of tedium that is days two to four (inclusive) of the average modern Test match?

“Fooled you again, didn’t I?” © AP

Saturday, 4th June
Shahid Afridi and the PCB are now officially in a state of feud and are settling it like men, the old-fashioned way: press releases and legal notices at dawn. Stopping Shahid from playing Twenty20 in England does have a hint of the playground about it. But then again, Afridi would try the patience of the most benevolent administrator. He is the boy (with the lovely hair) who cried resignation once too often.

So whose side are you on? It’s tricky, as Run DMC put it.

Though this revolution is timely, I’m not sure Afridi is the man to lead it. The Che Guevara of Pakistani cricket may look good on a t-shirt but he’s not the most reliable of figureheads around whom to rally. He is the embodiment of unpredictability. He lets you down, then he makes up for it, then he lets you down again. It's no coincidence that the founding members of the Afridi fan club all went grey years ago. As heroes go, he is from the shelf marked “flawed”.

On the other hand, he isn’t Ijaz Butt. Like I said, it’s tricky.

Sunday 5th June
Cricket Australia are toying with the idea of twilight play in some Sheffield Shield games next year. Not before time. It’s as timid as warm milk, but they’re reckless revolutionaries compared to the ICC. In most corners of their dominion, Test cricket has nearly ceased to be and is well on the way to being an ex-format. So what are they doing to reanimate it? We may, possibly, have some sort of Test championship playoff in 2013, a mere decade after the Test ratings were initiated. That’s about it.

How about day-nighters? Four-day Tests? Coloured clothing? Players’ names on the backs of their shirts? A slightly more robust approach to playing in the rain? A new ball every 40 overs? Sacrilege! Whilst (popular and profitable) 50-over cricket is fair game for all manner of wacky innovations and bizarre experiments, the five-day format must be perfectly preserved, like a museum exhibit, as the cobwebs accumulate and the spectators drift away in search of something more interesting.

But perhaps there is another angle. Maybe, instead of trying to find 21st-century solutions, we should seek inspiration from the past. I’m not talking compulsory beards, cravats or Bodyline (although there’s a lot to be said for all three). No other sport depends so much on the condition of the playing surface, so why not make a virtue of it and bring back the uncovered pitch? Hands up who wants to see how well Ian Bell or Thilan Samaraweera cope with a sticky dog at Old Trafford or a hard-baked turner in Chennai? Let’s make Test cricket a real test instead of a run-fest.